Trauma-informed therapy for hearts that have forgotten how to be gentle with themselves
Have you ever noticed how easily you can offer comfort to a friend in pain, yet when you’re struggling, that same kindness feels impossible to give yourself? You might recognize their hurt and respond with warmth and understanding, but when it comes to your own struggles, only harsh criticism answers back.
You’re not alone in this. So many of us learned early that love had conditions—that we had to be useful, quiet, or perfect to matter. Maybe you grew up believing that your worth was tied to what you could do for others, leaving you feeling empty and disconnected from who you really are. But what if the very thing you’ve been searching for outside yourself has been waiting inside you all along?
When Your Inner Voice Becomes Your Enemy
“I don’t even know how to be nice to myself,” Sarah shared during one of our sessions at Jim Brillon Therapy. “It feels selfish, or fake, or like I’m making excuses.” She’d spent decades taking care of everyone else, believing that her worth came from how much she could give. The idea of treating herself with the same tenderness she offered others felt revolutionary—and terrifying.
Before starting therapy, Sarah lived with constant self-criticism, exhaustion from people-pleasing, and a deep belief that her needs didn’t matter. She felt trapped in a cycle of giving until she was empty, then berating herself for feeling resentful. That voice in her head that told her she wasn’t good enough had been running the show for so long, she’d forgotten it didn’t have to.
After learning self-compassion through our work together, something shifted. Sarah began experiencing moments of genuine self-acceptance, the ability to set boundaries without drowning in guilt, and a growing sense that she deserved kindness—especially from herself. She started to notice when her body said no, even when her voice wanted to say yes.
The Body Remembers What the Mind Tries to Forget
In my practice, I often witness the moment when someone first experiences genuine self-kindness. Their shoulders drop. Their breathing deepens. Something that’s been clenched tight for years finally begins to soften. It’s as if their nervous system is remembering something it once knew—that they are worthy of care, not because they’ve earned it, but because they’re alive.
Self-compassion isn’t about positive thinking or pretending everything is fine. It’s about meeting your pain the way you’d meet a friend’s—with presence, understanding, and care. It’s recognizing that suffering isn’t evidence that something is wrong with you; it’s evidence that you’re human.
What Your Body Knows About Self-Compassion
What does your body know that your mind tries to override? Maybe it’s the exhaustion you feel when you say yes to everything. Maybe it’s the tightness in your chest when you’re criticized. Maybe it’s the loneliness that comes from performing instead of just being.
Three Doorways to Coming Home to Yourself
Learning to treat yourself with compassion isn’t something you do overnight. It’s a practice, like learning a new language. Some days it feels natural. Other days, it feels impossible. But there are gentle ways to begin:
Recognizing Your Own Suffering
This means acknowledging when something hurts instead of pushing through or minimizing your pain. Your struggles matter. Your feelings are valid. This isn’t about comparing your pain to others’—it’s about honoring what’s true for you right now. What would it feel like to simply notice your pain without trying to fix it or make it go away?
Understanding Our Shared Humanity
This reminds us that suffering isn’t a mark of unique brokenness. You’re having a human experience in a world that can be difficult and overwhelming. The patterns of striving, of feeling not enough, of navigating emotional storms—these are threads that weave through countless lives. You’re not alone in carrying too much or feeling like you have to earn your place in the world.
Speaking to Yourself Like a Good Friend
This might be the hardest part. What would you say to someone you love who was going through what you’re experiencing? Can you offer yourself even a fraction of that same gentleness? It’s an active practice, a moment-by-moment choice to soothe rather than shame yourself.
Why Self-Compassion Work Matters for Wounded Hearts
If you’ve experienced trauma or abuse, self-compassion isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. Trauma often teaches us that we’re not safe, even with ourselves. We learn to be hypervigilant, self-critical, always scanning for what we did wrong or how we could have prevented our pain.
Elena came to therapy feeling constantly overwhelmed, her inner critic dictating her every move. She’d experienced years of emotional abuse, and her default setting was self-blame. “It’s not as bad as what others went through,” she’d say, almost apologetically. What helped you survive back then may be keeping you stuck now.
Through our work together, Elena began to see that her experience wasn’t a mark of unique brokenness, but part of a wider human story of resilience and vulnerability. She started to recognize that others also knew the sting of feeling unheard, of having to earn love. Slowly, tenderly, she began to offer herself the same loving, patient words she’d give to a cherished friend.
How EMDR Helps Build Self-Compassion
Some things live in the body long after the mind has moved on. EMDR isn’t about erasing your past—it’s about giving your nervous system new ways to respond. When you can offer yourself compassion, you’re literally rewiring your brain to recognize that you’re not in danger anymore, at least not from your own thoughts.
A Different Kind of Healing Space
At Jim Brillon Therapy, I don’t just listen—I help you feel safe in the silence, too. Together, we can explore what makes self-kindness feel so difficult. We can practice noticing your inner dialogue and gently shifting it. We can work through the old beliefs that convinced you that you didn’t deserve gentleness.
My therapy practice isn’t a place to fix you—it’s a place to remember who you are beneath all the ways you’ve learned to protect yourself. It’s where you can discover that softness isn’t weakness, but a profound kind of strength. It’s where you learn that you don’t have to perform or be useful to deserve your own kindness.
What Healing Through Self-Compassion Really Looks Like
What if healing isn’t about becoming someone new, but about returning to who you’ve always been underneath the armor? What if the compassion you’ve been seeking has been inside you all along, just waiting for permission to emerge?
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
Self-compassion after years of self-criticism isn’t something you learn from a book or figure out on your own. It unfolds in relationship, in the presence of someone who can hold space for all of you—the parts that hurt and the parts that hope.
You don’t have to earn your own compassion. You don’t have to be perfect or healed or “better” to deserve kindness from yourself. You deserve it right now, exactly as you are, simply because you’re human and you’re trying.
If you’re ready to learn what it feels like to be on your own side, to discover that your inner voice can become a source of comfort rather than criticism—I’m here. Let’s explore together what it might mean to finally come home to yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Compassion Therapy
What’s the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem?
Self-esteem often depends on achievement or comparison—feeling good about yourself when you succeed or when you’re “better” than others. Self-compassion is different. It’s about treating yourself with kindness regardless of whether you succeed or fail, whether you’re perfect or flawed. In my therapy sessions, I help you develop a steady, unconditional kindness toward yourself that doesn’t depend on external validation.
Why does self-compassion feel so uncomfortable at first?
For many of us, self-criticism feels safer than self-kindness. Maybe you learned that being hard on yourself kept you motivated or prevented disappointment. Maybe gentleness feels vulnerable or undeserved. In therapy, we explore these old patterns gently, understanding that your resistance to self-compassion often comes from trying to protect yourself.
Can EMDR really help with harsh inner criticism?
Absolutely. That critical inner voice often develops from past experiences where you learned you weren’t safe or good enough. Through EMDR, we can process those memories and update your nervous system’s response. Many clients find their inner critic becomes quieter and less convincing as we work through the experiences that created it.
How long does it take to develop self-compassion?
Every journey is unique, but most clients start noticing small shifts within the first few months—maybe catching themselves before self-criticism spirals, or offering themselves a moment of understanding instead of judgment. The deeper work of rewiring years of self-critical patterns takes time, but each session builds on the last.
What if I’ve never experienced kindness from others?
If you’ve never had a model for compassion, learning to give it to yourself can feel foreign. In our therapeutic relationship, I offer you the experience of being seen and accepted without judgment. Over time, you can internalize this compassion and begin offering it to yourself. You don’t need a perfect past to deserve a kinder present.
Will self-compassion make me weak or unmotivated?
This is such a common fear. Actually, research shows that self-compassion leads to greater resilience and motivation than self-criticism. When you’re not exhausting yourself with harsh judgment, you have more energy to actually make changes. You can acknowledge mistakes without drowning in shame, which makes it easier to learn and grow.
Ready to transform your inner critic into an inner ally? Contact Jim Brillon Therapy to begin your journey toward genuine self-compassion and healing.
