Trauma-informed therapy for people who’ve been carrying shame like a secret they can’t put down
Have you ever felt like you’re performing your own life? Like there’s this version of you that everyone else gets to see, while the real you stays hidden, convinced that if people knew the truth, they’d leave?
I see this every day in my practice at Jim Brillon Therapy. Clients who’ve become experts at being what others need, but strangers to their own hearts. The exhaustion of it. The loneliness of being surrounded by people who love a version of you that doesn’t feel real.
Maybe you wake up already bracing for the day, every interaction feeling like a test you might fail. Your body holds tension you can’t name, and that voice in your head—the one that catalogs every mistake, every awkward moment, every reason you’re “too much” or “not enough”—never seems to rest. You’ve learned to scan rooms for signs of disapproval, to shrink when conflict arises, to disappear rather than risk being seen as difficult.
But what if I told you that the shame you carry isn’t really about you at all? What if it’s about what happened to you, or what wasn’t given when you needed it most?
When Your Body Remembers What Your Mind Tries to Forget
Shame isn’t just a feeling—it’s a full-body experience. It’s the way your shoulders curl inward when you walk into a room. The heat that rises in your face when someone gives you a compliment you can’t quite believe. The way you hold your breath when someone raises their voice, already preparing to make yourself smaller.
“I don’t even know who I am without someone telling me,” Sarah shared during one of our early sessions. She’d spent thirty years believing she had to earn her place in every room, that love was something you got when you were useful, quiet, or impressive enough. Her childhood had taught her that her worth was conditional, and her nervous system was still responding to those old wounds.
Understanding Shame vs. Guilt in Your Healing Journey
Through our work together, Sarah began to notice the difference between the shame that lived in her body and the guilt that came from actual mistakes. She learned that the tightness in her chest wasn’t her intuition telling her she was bad—it was her nervous system still trying to protect her from dangers that no longer existed.
“I used to think therapy was about fixing what’s wrong with me,” she reflected months later. “Now I know it’s about remembering what was always right.”
The Difference Between Hiding and Healing
Before starting therapy, you might find yourself constantly second-guessing, people-pleasing until you’re empty, feeling like an impostor in your own life. You might have perfected the art of being what others need while losing touch with what you need. Perhaps you’ve noticed how quickly you apologize, how hard it is to say no, how you can comfort everyone except yourself.
After healing begins, something shifts. There are moments now where you catch yourself breathing easily. Where you can make a mistake without it meaning you’re a mistake. Where you trust that the people who matter will love you not despite your imperfections, but including them. You start to feel curious about who you’re becoming rather than afraid of who you might be.
How Trauma-Informed Therapy Addresses Shame
This isn’t about positive thinking your way out of deep emotional patterns. It’s about understanding that shame often lives in the nervous system, and healing happens when we address both the story and the sensations.
What Makes This Therapeutic Approach Different
In our sessions, I don’t just listen to your words—I pay attention to the spaces between them. The way your voice changes when you talk about certain relationships. How your breathing shifts when shame gets triggered. The stories your body tells that your mind hasn’t found words for yet.
Many clients tell me they’ve tried therapy before but never felt safe enough to go to the places that really needed attention. “You help me feel like it’s okay to not have it all figured out,” one client shared. “Like I can fall apart here and still be held.”
Working With EMDR to Heal Shame and Trauma
We work with trauma-informed approaches that recognize shame often isn’t about what you did—it’s about what was done to you. EMDR isn’t about erasing your past; it’s about giving your body permission to respond from the present instead of the past. We help that part of you that learned to hide as a way of surviving understand that you’re safe to be seen now.
Together, we explore what your unique shame triggers are—those moments, words, or situations where shame washes over you—and discover practices to prevent that painful spiral from taking hold. We spend time understanding the difference between healthy guilt (when you regret an action) and toxic shame (“I am a mistake”), because knowing the distinction can be incredibly liberating.
Learning to Trust Your Own Voice
“I live in constant fear of being found out,” Michael told me. “Found out that I’m not as capable, not as kind, not as lovable as everyone thinks I am.” He carried the belief that he had to be perfect to be worthy of love, that any sign of struggle or need would drive people away.
Through our work, Michael gradually began to understand that his hypervigilance wasn’t protecting him anymore—it was exhausting him. He learned to notice when that familiar tightness crept into his chest, when his voice got smaller, when he started performing instead of just being. Slowly, hesitantly at first, he began to trust that authentic connection was possible.
“I still have moments of doubt,” he shared months into our work, “but they don’t break me anymore. They just remind me to be gentle with myself.”
Creating a Space Where You Don’t Have to Perform
This isn’t about quick fixes or life hacks. Healing from shame is tender work that happens in relationship, in the safety of being truly seen and accepted. It’s about learning that your worth isn’t tied to your performance, your productivity, or your ability to make others comfortable.
In my therapy practice, we create a space where silence feels safe, where you can explore what it feels like to belong to yourself before you belong to anyone else. Where that voice that’s been so hard on you for so long can learn a gentler way of speaking.
When You’re Ready to Come Home to Yourself
Many people carry the weight of feeling like they must hide parts of themselves just to be accepted. It’s a heavy burden, often rooted in past experiences where vulnerability felt too risky. But you don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
If you’re reading this and something in your chest is saying “yes, this is me,” I want you to know: you’re not broken. You’re not too much. You’re not beyond help.
Shame wants you to believe that you’re the only one who feels this way, but in my office at Jim Brillon Therapy, I hear these same struggles every day. The fear that you’re fooling everyone. The exhaustion of people-pleasing. The way you can comfort others but can’t seem to offer yourself the same kindness.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. You don’t have to wait until you’re “ready enough” or have it all together. Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is admit we need support and reach out for it.
When you’re ready to stop hiding from yourself, to explore what it might feel like to trust your own voice again, I’m here. This is work we can do together, at your pace, with all the care and patience your healing deserves.
You don’t have to perform your life anymore. You can live it.
Frequently Asked Questions About Healing From Shame
What is trauma-informed therapy, and how is it different from traditional therapy?
Trauma-informed therapy recognizes that many of our struggles stem from past wounds, not personal failings. In my practice, I don’t just focus on changing behaviors—I help you understand how your nervous system learned to protect you and how we can gently update those protective patterns. It’s not about what’s wrong with you; it’s about what happened to you.
How does shame affect the body and mind?
Shame is a full-body experience. You might feel it as tension in your shoulders, heat in your face, or a sinking feeling in your stomach. Your mind might race with self-criticism or go blank. In therapy, I help you recognize these body signals as information, not truth about who you are.
What’s the difference between shame and guilt?
Guilt says “I did something bad”—it’s about a specific action you can repair or learn from. Shame says “I am bad”—it attacks your core identity. Understanding this difference is crucial for healing. We work together to transform toxic shame while keeping healthy guilt that helps you stay aligned with your values.
How can EMDR help me heal from shame and trauma?
EMDR helps your brain process stuck memories that fuel shame. Instead of just talking about your past, we help your nervous system update its understanding of safety. Many clients find that memories that once triggered intense shame gradually lose their power to overwhelm them.
What are some signs that I might be carrying unresolved shame?
You might notice constant self-criticism, difficulty accepting compliments, people-pleasing that leaves you exhausted, or feeling like an impostor. Physical signs include tension, shallow breathing, or feeling disconnected from your body. If you’re always bracing for rejection or criticism, shame might be running the show.
How long does it take to heal from shame and trauma?
Every person’s journey is unique. Some clients notice shifts within weeks—catching themselves before a shame spiral or feeling safer in their bodies. Deeper healing of long-held patterns typically unfolds over months. What matters is that each session builds on the last, creating lasting change at your own pace.
Ready to stop hiding and start healing? Contact Jim Brillon Therapy to begin your journey toward authentic self-connection and freedom from shame.
