Healing the narratives that have shaped your world
Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a thought and realized you’ve been telling yourself the same painful story for years? Perhaps it’s the quiet certainty that you’re somehow fundamentally flawed, or the persistent belief that you need to earn love through constant achievement or people-pleasing. These thoughts can feel like absolute truths rather than what they often are—beliefs formed during difficult times that once helped you make sense of your world.
In the quiet moments when these thoughts surface, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of negativity. But what if I told you that these patterns aren’t permanent fixtures of your mind? That the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you deserve can change, not through force or positive thinking, but through gentle awareness and compassionate understanding?
Understanding Negative Core Beliefs
The Silent Weight of Negative Beliefs
When we carry negative beliefs about ourselves, they don’t just live in our thoughts—they shape our entire experience. They influence how we move through relationships, how we approach challenges, and even how we experience joy or success. These beliefs often operate beneath our conscious awareness, coloring our perceptions without our permission.
Our core negative beliefs unconsciously drive much of our lives, until we can make them conscious and can work with and transform them. At their core, many people hold negative beliefs about themselves including, “I’m not good enough, the world’s not safe, or I am unlovable.”
The Inner Critic
The inner critic is an internalized critical voice that begins to establish itself often when we are very young. We start to feel that it is “just part of ourselves”, and may even believe it is our own voice. Often however, when we explore its origins, we discover it is another person or person’s voices, attacking us. It may have even developed as a way to try to protect us. But what was adaptive then, is maladaptive now.
Before and After: From Fixed to Flexible Thinking
Before the journey of changing these beliefs begins, you might notice:
- The constant presence of an inner critic that seems impossible to silence
- A sense of tension that lives in your body, appearing in your shoulders, jaw, or stomach
- Relationships that follow familiar painful patterns, no matter how much you try to change them
- A tendency to dismiss compliments or positive feedback as mistakes or flukes
- Exhaustion from trying to prove your worth through achievement or caretaking
- A feeling of being fundamentally different or separate from others
As negative beliefs begin to soften, something shifts:
- You might notice brief moments where your thoughts feel less absolute and more flexible
- Your body might experience unexpected periods of ease, where the familiar tension temporarily releases
- You start to externalize the inner critic and learn to talk back to it
- Curiosity begins to appear alongside judgment—”I wonder why I always think this way?”
- Small instances of self-compassion emerge, perhaps just a gentle acknowledgment of your pain
- The space between a triggering event and your reaction gradually widens, offering new possibilities
- A quiet sense that perhaps you are not defined by these thoughts after all
- You learn to integrate all parts of yourself with compassion and healing
Sarah’s Story: From Certainty to Curiosity
Sarah came to therapy with a belief so deeply ingrained she didn’t even recognize it as a belief: “I am responsible for everyone else’s feelings.” This certainty had shaped her entire life—her relationships, her career choices, even her ability to rest. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel this way,” she told me during our first session. “It’s just who I am.”
In our work together, we didn’t try to argue with this belief or replace it with positive affirmations. Instead, we got curious. Where did this belief come from? How had it helped her survive difficult circumstances? What did it cost her to carry it? How did it show up in her body?
As Sarah began to notice this belief in action—the tension in her shoulders when someone seemed upset, the immediate assumption that she was somehow responsible, the exhaustion of constantly scanning her environment for others’ needs—something subtle shifted. The belief didn’t immediately disappear, but it started to feel less like an immutable fact and more like a perspective she had adopted.
“I realized I’ve been living my whole life as if my worth depends on making everyone else okay,” she shared several months into our work. “The other day, someone was upset, and I noticed I could feel concerned without immediately taking it on as my responsibility. It was small, but it felt… different. Like I had a choice.”
How Negative Beliefs Form and Persist
Understanding How Beliefs Protect You
Every belief, even the painful ones, may have served some purpose. Perhaps believing you were unlovable protected you from the vulnerability of reaching out and being rejected. Maybe believing you had to be perfect kept you safe in an environment where mistakes weren’t tolerated. What helped you survive back then may be keeping you stuck now.
As one client shared, “I realized my belief that I can’t trust anyone actually helped me survive a childhood where adults were unpredictable. It protected me then, even though it’s keeping me isolated now.”
How Beliefs Live in Your Body
Our beliefs aren’t just mental—they have physical signatures. Does your chest tighten when you think, “I’m not enough”? Does your breathing change when you believe, “I have to handle everything alone”?
Some things live in the body long after the mind has moved on. By noticing these physical responses, you create a small space between yourself and the belief. You begin to see that you have beliefs rather than being them.
The Gentle Process of Changing Negative Beliefs
Becoming Aware of What You are Believing
This starts with simply noticing the thoughts that feel most true, especially when you’re stressed or upset. What stories do you tell yourself about who you are and what’s possible? We work to identify the core negative beliefs, the ones that unconsciously sabotage your life and happiness.
I often ask clients to pay attention to their “I am” statements or their “I always/never” thoughts. These often point to core beliefs that may have been present for so long they feel like undisputed facts.
Questioning with Compassion
This isn’t about attacking yourself for having these beliefs, but gently wondering: Is this completely true? Have there been exceptions? What might a trusted friend say about this belief? What would my life be like if I no longer believe that?
One powerful question I often use is: “How old were you when you first started believing this?” This helps people recognize that many of their most painful beliefs formed when they were very young, trying to make sense of complex situations with limited understanding.
Allowing New Possibilities
Rather than forcing a new belief, can you create space for alternative perspectives to exist alongside the familiar one? Can you be curious about what else might be true?
This isn’t about positive thinking—it’s about developing a more flexible relationship with your thoughts, one where multiple perspectives can coexist.
The Courage to Question What Feels Certain
Breaking Free from Limiting Self-Talk
One of the bravest things we can do is question the beliefs we’ve built our lives around. It takes tremendous courage to wonder if what we’ve always “known” might not be the whole truth.
I’ve witnessed clients discover that the beliefs they thought protected them were actually keeping them small. I’ve seen the relief that comes when someone realizes they don’t have to carry the weight of a belief that was never truly theirs to begin with—perhaps it was handed to them by family, culture, or difficult experiences.
A client once told me, “I’ve spent forty years believing I was too sensitive. It never occurred to me that maybe I was responding normally to really difficult things.” This simple shift—from seeing himself as flawed to recognizing the impact of his experiences—opened up new possibilities for how he related to himself and others.
How I Support Your Belief Change Journey
What Happens in Therapy
In our sessions together, we create a space where your thoughts and beliefs can be explored with curiosity rather than judgment. This isn’t about analyzing what’s “wrong” with you or fixing your thinking—it’s about understanding how your mind has tried to make sense of your experiences and protect you from pain.
We might notice patterns in your thoughts, explore where certain beliefs originated, and gently examine the impact these beliefs have on your life now. We might use mindfulness to create space between you and your thoughts, helping you recognize when you’re caught in old patterns.
Sometimes, we’ll explore how these beliefs show up in your body and develop tools to help you recognize and respond to them differently. We might use techniques like EMDR or other trauma-informed approaches to address beliefs that formed during difficult or traumatic experiences.
Throughout this process, you set the pace. Some beliefs feel too important or protective to question right away, and that’s completely understandable. We work with what feels accessible, building trust in the process and in your own capacity for change.
A Space for All Your Thoughts
Many people come to therapy feeling ashamed of their thoughts, as if having negative beliefs means there’s something wrong with them. But in our work together, every thought is welcome—even the ones that feel dark, scary, or shameful.
These thoughts aren’t evidence of your brokenness; they’re often the mind’s attempt to protect you from pain. By creating a space where all thoughts can be acknowledged and understood, we begin to loosen their grip.
As one client put it, “I used to be terrified of my negative thoughts, like thinking them would make them come true. Now I can see them as just thoughts—sometimes helpful, sometimes not, but not the definition of who I am.”
Frequently Asked Questions About Negative Beliefs Therapy
What’s the difference between negative thoughts and negative beliefs?
Negative thoughts are specific mental events that come and go, while negative beliefs are deeper, more persistent convictions about yourself, others, or the world. Beliefs often feel like absolute truths and shape how you interpret experiences. For example, a negative thought might be “I failed at this task,” while a negative belief would be “I’m a failure as a person.” Negative beliefs are what form when you assume all your negative thoughts are true.
Can core beliefs really change after being with me for so long?
Yes, absolutely. While core beliefs often form early in life and feel permanent, they can change with awareness and therapeutic support. The brain remains adaptable throughout life, and new experiences can gradually shift even deeply held beliefs. Change typically happens slowly and gently, not through force or willpower alone.
How do I know if my beliefs are negative or just realistic?
This is a great question that we explore together in therapy. Sometimes beliefs feel “realistic” because they’ve been with us so long, but they may actually be overgeneralized responses to past experiences. We can examine the evidence for and against beliefs, consider exceptions, and explore whether they’re helpful in your current life circumstances.
Why do I feel guilty or scared when I try to change negative beliefs?
Negative beliefs often developed to protect you from pain, so questioning them can feel threatening to your protective system. Your mind might worry that changing these beliefs will leave you vulnerable or unprepared for disappointment. This resistance is normal and something we can work with gently in therapy.
Will changing my beliefs make me less cautious or realistic about problems?
Many people worry that healing negative beliefs will make them naive or unprepared for life’s challenges. In reality, developing more balanced beliefs often helps you respond to situations more accurately. You can maintain healthy caution and problem-solving skills while releasing beliefs that keep you unnecessarily stuck or suffering.
How long does it take to change deeply held negative beliefs?
The timeline varies greatly depending on the person and the specific beliefs. Some people notice shifts in their relationship with their thoughts within weeks, while deeper belief changes often unfold over months or years. What matters is that change is possible, and every moment of awareness contributes to the healing process.
What if my negative beliefs come from trauma or abuse?
Trauma-informed therapy approaches can be particularly helpful for beliefs that formed out of traumatic experiences. We work at a pace that feels safe for your nervous system, understanding that these beliefs often developed as protective responses. Techniques like EMDR can help process the underlying experiences that created these beliefs.
How do I maintain changes in my beliefs when I’m around family or old environments?
This is one of the most challenging aspects of belief change—maintaining new perspectives when you’re in environments that trigger or reinforce old patterns. We can work together to develop strategies for staying grounded in your evolving beliefs while navigating challenging relationships or situations that trigger old thought patterns.
An Invitation to Begin
If you find yourself caught in patterns of negative thinking that feel impossible to shift, know that you’re not alone. The mind creates these patterns for reasons—often to protect us from pain we once couldn’t bear. There’s wisdom in understanding why these beliefs formed before attempting to change them.
Healing doesn’t happen through force or through ignoring what feels true. It happens through gentle awareness, through naming what we believe and examining it with curiosity rather than judgment.
You don’t have to do this work alone. Sometimes the beliefs that feel most true are the hardest to see clearly on our own. In therapy, my role isn’t to tell you what to believe, but to help you explore the beliefs you carry and decide which ones still serve you.
Your beliefs may have shaped your past, but they don’t have to determine your future. With patience, compassion, and support, even the most deeply held negative beliefs can loosen their grip, making space for a life that feels more authentic, connected, and free.
If you’re ready to begin exploring the beliefs that have shaped your world, I’m here to walk alongside you on that journey—not with quick fixes or forced positivity, but with steady presence and a deep belief in your capacity for healing and growth.
