Attachment Therapy in Orange County CA

Do you feel too clingy, too distant, or both?

You may find yourself:

Feeling “too clingy” and then ashamed for wanting reassurance
Pulling away or going numb when someone gets emotionally close
Questioning whether people really care about you or will eventually leave
Overthinking texts, tone, and silence in your relationships
Feeling like you are “too much” or “not enough” no matter what you do

If this sounds familiar, you are likely dealing with attachment patterns that started in earlier relationships and now play out with partners, friends, family, or even colleagues.

What is attachment?

Attachment is the way we learn to bond, seek comfort, and trust others. These patterns form early with caregivers and then become templates for how we approach closeness, conflict, and dependence in adult life.

When early relationships are inconsistent, frightening, or emotionally distant, it can be hard to feel safe with others later. You may want connection and feel overwhelmed by it at the same time.

How attachment patterns start?

The ability to form secure, steady relationships usually begins in childhood. When a child experiences caregivers who are mostly emotionally present, responsive, and protective, they tend to grow into adults who believe:

“I am worthy of care.”
“Others can be trusted most of the time.”
“We can repair when something goes wrong.”

When relationships in childhood are marked by neglect, criticism, chaos, or trauma, the nervous system adapts. Children learn to shut down their needs, cling tightly to others, or stay constantly on guard. Those strategies often show up in adult attachment patterns.

Examples of early experiences that may affect attachment

Inconsistent caregiving or frequent changes in caregivers
Emotional neglect, being parentified, or needing to “be the strong one”
Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
Parents who were depressed, anxious, addicted, or overwhelmed
Significant separations, medical hospitalizations, or losses

Attachment difficulties can also develop even in otherwise loving homes if there are unaddressed mental health issues, unspoken conflict, or events that overwhelm a child’s ability to cope.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s take the first step together. Call so we can schedule a consultation.

Common attachment patterns in adults

Attachment theory describes several broad patterns in how adults relate to closeness and trust. Most people recognize themselves in parts of more than one category, rather than fitting neatly into a single box.

Secure attachment

People with a more secure attachment style usually:

Feel basically worthy of love and respect
Trust that others can be reliable and supportive most of the time
Expect that conflict can be talked through and repaired
Allow both closeness and space in relationships

Anxious attachment

People with more anxious attachment often:

Worry about being abandoned, rejected, or replaced
Need frequent reassurance to feel safe in relationships
Overanalyze small changes in tone, timing, or contact
Work very hard to prove they are “good enough” to be loved

Avoidant attachment

People with more avoidant attachment often:

Feel uncomfortable depending on others or being depended on
Shut down or feel irritated when emotions get intense
Value independence to the point that closeness feels like a threat
End or distance relationships when they start to feel vulnerable

Fearful or mixed attachment

Some people experience a mix of anxious and avoidant patterns:

Longing deeply for connection but feeling terrified when it starts to happen
Moving quickly toward people, then suddenly pulling away
Feeling others are unsafe and that they themselves are “too broken” to love

None of these patterns are character flaws. They are adaptations that once helped you survive emotionally difficult situations. In therapy we treat them as understandable strategies your nervous system learned, not as something to be ashamed of.

Signs attachment issues may be affecting you

Adults with attachment difficulties can experience many of the following:

Chronic loneliness, even when surrounded by people
Feeling detached, numb, or “shut down” in relationships
Control issues or pulling away when you feel dependent
Strong jealousy or fear of being replaced
Repeatedly choosing emotionally unavailable partners
Difficulty knowing or expressing your own needs
Struggle to trust your perceptions after gaslighting or past relational trauma
Feeling empty, like you do not really belong anywhere

If you recognize yourself in several of these, attachment therapy can help you understand what is happening and build new patterns in relationships.

How attachment therapy can help?

Attachment focused therapy looks at how your early relationships shaped your nervous system, expectations, and coping strategies, then helps you experience new, safer ways of relating in the present.

In our work together we might:

Map your attachment patterns across childhood, family, friendships, and partners
Notice how those patterns show up in session so we can work with them in real time
Use attachment focused, trauma informed approaches so your nervous system can experience safety instead of constant threat
Explore core beliefs such as “I am too much,” “I am a burden,” or “People always leave” and test them against your current reality
Build practical skills for emotional regulation, boundaries, and healthy dependency

For many people this work also includes processing attachment trauma using methods like EMDR and somatic approaches, so that old experiences no longer drive your reactions in the present.

Attachment difficulties in children and teens

Attachment challenges often begin in childhood. While this page focuses on adults, it can be helpful to understand how early signs sometimes show up. Children who struggle with attachment may:

Have difficulty seeking or accepting comfort when upset
Show extreme clinginess or, in contrast, seem indifferent to caregivers
Display intense anger, oppositional behavior, or self destructive actions
Struggle with empathy, eye contact, or affection
Feel persistently fearful, withdrawn, or sad without a clear cause

These patterns can change with the right support. If you recognize some of these in your own story, attachment therapy can help you address how those early experiences are still affecting you now.

Attachment therapy with Jim Brillon in California

I am a licensed therapist in California with a special focus on attachment, trauma, and mindfulness based approaches. I work with adults who are ready to understand how their attachment patterns developed and want to build steadier, more secure connections in the present.

Attachment focused, trauma informed therapy for adults
EMDR and somatic based approaches for attachment trauma and complex trauma
LGBTQ affirming and inclusive care
In person sessions in Orange County and online therapy across California

Together we will work at a pace that respects your nervous system. The goal is not to erase your past, but to help you relate to yourself and to others in new ways that feel safer, steadier, and more authentic.