Self-Esteem Therapy in Orange County, CA

“There’s something wrong with me…”

For many people, low self-esteem doesn’t show up as dramatic breakdowns. It shows up as a quiet, chronic sense that you’re fundamentally less-than:

Feeling like an imposter at work, even when you’re objectively doing well
Apologizing constantly, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
Downplaying your wins and magnifying your flaws or mistakes
Struggling to set boundaries because you don’t want to be “too much”
Staying in relationships, jobs, or situations that are clearly not good for you

You might think, “Other people have real problems. I should just be stronger.” But low self-esteem is a real source of suffering — and it’s absolutely worth treating.

What Are Self-Esteem and Low Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is your felt sense of your own worth. It’s the inner answer to questions like:

Am I basically okay as a person?
Do I matter?
Do I deserve love, respect, and good things?

It’s not about being perfect, impressive, or “crushing it.” Healthy self-esteem is a grounded belief: “I’m imperfect and still worthy.”

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, feels like:

“I’m fundamentally flawed.”
“If people really knew me, they wouldn’t stay.”
“My needs don’t matter as much as everyone else’s.”

Over time, many people start to mistake these beliefs for facts. They become the lens through which you interpret everything you do — and everything other people do.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s take the first step together. Call so we can schedule a consultation.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Image

It can help to separate two related but different concepts:

Self-image: How you see yourself — your appearance, skills, roles, performance, personality.
Self-esteem: How you feel about yourself overall — your basic worth and lovability.

You can have:

A strong self-image (“I’m competent, attractive, successful”) but still feel worthless inside.
A modest self-image (“I’m average in many ways”) and still feel deeply loved and valuable.

That’s why self-esteem work isn’t just about “fixing” your body, career, or habits. It’s about your relationship with yourself — the way you talk to yourself, the standards you hold, and how you respond when you inevitably fall short.

How Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Thoughts

When you live with low self-esteem, your thinking naturally becomes skewed. Common patterns include:

Harsh self-criticism: “That was stupid. What’s wrong with me?”
All-or-nothing thinking: “If I’m not the best, I’m a failure.”
Mind reading: Assuming others are judging or rejecting you, even without evidence.
Discounting positives: Minimizing compliments, achievements, or progress: “Anyone could’ve done that.”
Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst outcome and deciding you won’t be able to handle it.

Over time, these patterns can contribute to depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and feeling emotionally numb or disconnected.

How Low Self-Esteem Affects Your Behavior

Low self-esteem doesn’t just live in your head — it shapes what you do and what you avoid:

Staying small, quiet, or agreeable so you don’t rock the boat
Avoiding opportunities because you’re sure you’ll fail or be exposed as “not enough”
People-pleasing to keep others close, even when it costs you your own needs
Overworking or overachieving to earn a sense of being okay, temporarily
Turning to substances, food, sex, or screens to numb feelings of shame or emptiness
Getting stuck in relationships where you’re undervalued, exploited, or mistreated

From the outside, you might look driven, “nice,” or put-together. Internally, it can feel like your whole life is organized around avoiding shame.

Can You Overcome Low Self-Esteem and Poor Self-Image?

Yes. Low self-esteem is learned — and that means it can be unlearned.

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never doubt yourself again. It means:

The critical voice becomes quieter and less believable
You can hold your flaws and mistakes without collapsing into shame
You can recognize your needs and treat them as legitimate
You can set boundaries and still feel like a good person
You feel more at home in your own skin, even when life is messy

Therapy gives you a structured, compassionate space to do this work with another human who isn’t judging you, fixing you, or telling you to “just think positive.”

How Therapy Helps With Low Self-Esteem

In self-esteem therapy, we’ll slow down and map out what’s actually happening inside you: the stories you tell about yourself, the emotions you carry, and the strategies you’ve used to cope.

Depending on your needs, our work together may include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Learning to notice and gently question the automatic thoughts that reinforce shame, and experiment with more balanced, realistic ways of seeing yourself.
Self-compassion work: Building the skill of talking to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend — especially when you’re struggling.
Trauma-informed therapy and EMDR: When past experiences — especially trauma or chronic criticism — are still living in your nervous system, we can use EMDR and other approaches to help your body and mind integrate them instead of reliving them.
Attachment and relational work: Exploring how early relationships shaped your sense of worth and how those patterns may be replaying in current relationships.
Behavioral experiments: Gradually practicing new ways of showing up — saying no, sharing your opinion, taking healthy risks — and noticing what actually happens.

This process is not about turning you into a different person. It’s about helping you feel more aligned with who you already are, without being run by fear and shame.

What Is Self-Compassion (and Why Is It So Hard)?

For many people with low self-esteem, “self-compassion” sounds either selfish or impossible. You might worry:

“If I stop beating myself up, I’ll become lazy or arrogant.”
“Being kind to myself feels fake or undeserved.”
“Other people need compassion more than I do.”

In reality, self-compassion is not self-indulgence. It’s the practice of:

Noticing that you’re in pain
Recognizing that struggle is part of being human
Responding to yourself with care instead of attack

Paradoxically, people tend to grow and change more when they feel safe and supported — not when they’re under constant internal attack. Therapy can help you build this new way of relating to yourself slowly, so it actually sticks.

What Does Self-Esteem Work With Me Look Like?

As a therapist, I don’t see you as a project to fix. I see you as a person who has adapted creatively to some very real experiences — and who is ready for a gentler, more honest relationship with yourself.

Together, we will:

Explore where your beliefs about yourself came from (and whether they still fit)
Identify the “rules” you live by — many of which you may have never said out loud
Notice the parts of you that are scared, ashamed, perfectionistic, or protective
Practice new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that line up with your values
Make room for grief over what you’ve lost to low self-esteem — and hope for what’s still possible

We’ll go at a pace that respects your nervous system. You don’t have to spill everything all at once. You also don’t have to carry it alone.

Meet Jim Brillon – Therapist for Self-Esteem in California

I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor providing therapy in Orange County and online across California. I’ve worked with many people who appear successful and capable on the outside but quietly live with:

Chronic self-doubt and overthinking
Shame rooted in family, culture, or past relationships
Perfectionism and burnout
Depression, anxiety, and trauma tied to low self-worth

My approach is holistic and person-centered. That means we’re not just treating “symptoms” — we’re paying attention to your body, your story, your relationships, and the parts of you that have been trying to survive the best way they know how.

Over time, many clients describe a growing sense of lightness, groundedness, and the ability to face challenges with more courage, presence, and self-respect.